I know may be this topic is not necessarily a blog post worthy. Especially not a university art blog, but something I want to talk about is actually a serious issue for a lot of students and frustrated youth. And may be this will look like a justification, but again, this is something I went through I want to mention it since it might affect y future works.

Depression...

But it's true. I was in a very bad place last year and it affected everything I was doing. It went to the part, where I wanted to drop out and do nothing. The apathy was terrible.

I would wake up the morning, stare at the ceiling and question myself if this life is what I wanted, does it pleasure me, am I fully satisfied? The more I thought, the less I wanted to actually get up and so things. I lost time, I missed lectures, I barely could manage myself, because I was deep in my emotions and thoughts.

I forgot my self worth...
I forgot my dreams...
I forgot myself... 

My grades and productivity dropped dramatically. If you compare my first year and second year marks, you'll see how badly organized I was.

Most of my friends tried to re-assure me, but I didn't listen& It was hard to look in the mirror and see a person who is actually capable of so many things. It was hard to see someone nice there, so one day I nearly smashed it. I didn't, because I was weak physically. That day I was getting ready to go to a lecture, but after the incident I just broke down on the floor and didn't go anywhere.

It was really hard to fight for myself. Once or twice I got suicidal thoughts and every time I reassured myself that that won't change anything, it won't help me, cause there will be no me. 

But I can happily admit, that I have healed. I managed to get out of a dark, empty and misty highway and find my yellow brick road to my dream. I found myself again and I am grateful that it happened to me. Not a lot of people are able to fight it. I do sometimes still get stressful and anxious, but who doesn't nowadays?

What I can definitely  say in the end? Never give up. The entire world can be against you, but people around do care, do listen and do wanna help. May be not somebody you want to hear, may be not somebody you know well, but there are people around that will listen and drag you out and help to fight the darkness. Don't hide feelings and emotions, talk them off to anyone who is ready to listen to you. And dream. Dreams are the most powerful thing that we can have in our lives and sometimes only dreams can give you the power and the energy you need to get through hard times.

xxx